Ex-caddy turned cad

Mike Arroyo: I never said ‘Back off’ – Philippine Daily Inquirer

Well, perhaps the FG may have said, “Ah’ll be back!”?

*    *    *

Solicitor General asks SC to
dismiss 3 cases vs ZTE – Manila Bulletin

Acting Justice Sec and SolGen Agnes Devanadera reportedly said that the ZTE contract is ‘the most advantageous to the government and the cheapest’.

This may be totally unrelated but is not known if she has also played golf with Ben Abalos.

*    *    *

Biblemode declares stand vs pornography – Manila Bulletin

I don’t know but shouldn’t Biblemode have chosen a word other than ‘stand’?

*    *    *

Arroyo okayed talks with ZTE on
NBN before NEDA review – GMA News

If Pres. Arroyo had indeed cooked the NBN deal, she deserves a new designation: Chef-in-Chief.

*    *    *

Abalos asks congressmen to treat
impeachment case fairly – GMA News

His abrupt resignation has effectively deleted the impeachment case against him but Abalos would have been fair game to JdV and his allies . . . if only to show him that verbally abusing the Speaker’s son is not without dire consequences.

*    *    *

Abalos resigns, vows to go after
Joey, Neri – Manila Standard Today

The ‘go after Joey, Neri’ part is clearly a PR stunt . . . but will people buy the ‘truth’ according to Abalos?

*    *    *

Pardon of Estrada too early,
ill-advised says prosecutor – Manila Times

It should be done closer to Christmas, right?

*    *    *

Talk of pardon only meant to
diffuse heat of ZTE probe – Manila Bulletin

Cong. Rufus could be right . . . that Erap was taken for a ride.

*    *    *

Arroyo cancels deal with ZTE;
China prexy accepts decision – GMA News

Smart move . . . but it shouldn’t stop Sen. Ping and company from pursuing the Senate probe.

*    *    *

Senators mull arrest of no-show Cabinet men – Malaya

No decision was reached due to lack of quorum and it should be fairly easy to guess who the no-show senators were, aside from Angara, Lapid and Zubiri . . . who have made themselves consistently scarce.

Ex-caddy turned cad

Although Benjamin Abalos’ resignation Monday was reportedly a surprise even to the Palace, it was apparently the only way for the Comelec chair to head off another slew of embarrassing questions that he would have been confronted with in an impeachment process that was expected to gain traction in both houses of Congress.

Not that Abalos would have been fazed by anything else that would have been thrown at him. After all, he seems to be the kind of fellow who would vehemently deny being unfaithful to his wife even if he’s caught ‘on top of the situation’ with another woman.

It’s a pity that what would have been an inspiring rags-to-riches story . . . Abalos’ rise from being a caddy at the Wack Wack Golf & Country Club to eventually becoming president of the same prestigious club, along the way in an extraordinary public service career that included stints as de-facto mayor of Mandaluyong, a judge, and Comelec chair . . . is unraveling into the unfortunate tale of the downfall of somebody who is now generally perceived as absolutely unprincipled, dishonorable and downright morally reprehensible.

No pain, no gain*

A married couple went to the hospital to have their 3^rd baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, their doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch.

The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

After a while, the doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.

The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.

She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home a few days later, they found out that their friendly next door neighbor . . . a handsome young bachelor with no medical problems . . . had suddenly died of a heart attack at around the same time on the same afternoon that their new baby was being born.

*A heads&tales AnecJoke.    

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Damaged control

Pagcor, PCSO: Cash gifts not from us – Philippine Star

Has anybody heard from ZTE?

*    *    *

Panlilio to resurrect morality in government – ABS-CBN News

Come to think of it, how about a ‘President Panlilio’? Among Ed would be a credible . . . albeit not yet viable . . . alternative.

*    *    *

JdV: End government corruption – Manila Times

Translation: End GMA’s administration.

*    *    *

Atienza says ‘cash gifts’ are
normal fare in Arroyo Palace – GMA News

P200,000 to P500,000 handed out in cold cash to congressmen and governors without proper vouchers is now considered ‘normal’?

*    *    *

JDV son loses 'respect' for Arroyo – GMA News

The younger de Venecia . . . who used to refer to her as ‘My President’ . . . also quotes his father as having said, “the President is numb to corruption”.

*    *    *

Marine chief says bribery issue affecting soldiers – GMA News

That straight talk is refreshing but by saying so, Maj. Gen. Ben Dolorfino’s name could now drop to the bottom of the list of likely candidates to become the next AFP Chief of Staff.

*    *    *

Palace ‘bribery’ could be for
Cha-cha revival, says Binay – The Daily Tribune

“What bribery?” seems to be the standard . . . and apparently scripted . . . Palace denial.

*    *    *

Lawyer slams threat to have
him disbarred – Manila Standard Today

If there’s any credence at all to allegations that lawyer Ruel Pulido . . . who’s now being derisively referred to as ‘Oliver Lozano, Jr.’ . . . is a Palace lackey, he certainly won’t end up being an impoverished ex-attorney.

*    *    *

Palace revives call to change Charter – Manila Standard Today

Which is a sign that the Palace is dead-sure that it can get rid of Speaker Joe shortly . . . who had been seeing himself as the first Prime Minister in a new parliamentary government.

*    *    *

Gov to keep cash windfall if
document trail is clean – Manila Standard Today

Among Ed must be getting ready to return the dough . . . since it would be wishful thinking to expect the Palace to come up with documentation.

*    *    *

Bishops slam Gloria’s moral bankruptcy – Malaya

Probably not the same bishops who are regular recipients of ‘blessings’ from Pagcor.

*    *    *

What is there in report that has to be hidden? – Malaya

Indeed, what is the military trying to hide in that internal report on Jonas Burgos’ mysterious disappearance?

Special commentary: Damaged control

To some people at the Palace, it may have seemed to be a good idea at the time but sending a nephew of the late Fabian Ver to allegedly bribe activist solon Crispin Beltran into endorsing Ruel Pulido’s fake impeachment complaint was downright stupid to begin with. There is no love lost between the old leftist warrior and the departed Marcos-era general so why would anybody expect that the messenger could persuade Ka Bel to suddenly be on the Palace’s side?

As if that monumental failure of common sense was not enough, the Palace did not ‘exempt’ Gov Ed Panlilio . . . a priest-on-leave while he’s running the province of Pampanga . . . from those congressmen and governors that received cash ‘gifts’ ranging from P200,000 to P500,000 after a gathering last Thursday.

Now Ka Bel is making a lot of noises about the bribery attempt and Among Ed is asking some really intriguing questions about the money . . . with nothing but uncredible denials emanating from the Palace.

The sad part is GMA has become ‘damaged goods’ even more and it is doubtful if even some of the best damage control experts that money can buy can now help her.

Missed calls*

It had been raining for days and days and the Agusan River had overflowed its banks . . . engulfing surrounding areas in a devastating flood. The waters rose so high that one man was forced to climb onto the roof of his house.

As the waters rose higher and higher, a man in a banca appeared, and told him to get in. “No,” replied the man on the roof. “I have faith in the Lord. The Lord will save me.” So the man in the banca went away and man on the roof resumed praying for God to save him.

Later that afternoon, the waters rose even higher and, suddenly, a speedboat appeared. “Climb in!” shouted a man in the boat. “No,” replied the man on the roof. “I have faith in the Lord and I know He will save me.” So the man in the speedboat went away while the man on the roof continued praying.

The next day, as the waters continued to rise, a helicopter appeared and over the loudspeaker, the pilot announced he would lower a rope to the man on the roof. “No,” yelled the man on the roof. “I have faith in the Lord and I’m sure the Lord will save me.” So the helicopter went away and the man on the roof went back to praying and reading his now drenched Bible.

But the rampaging waters rose higher and higher, and eventually the man on the roof drowned after he was washed away.

Upon arrival in heaven, the man brushed past St. Peter and marched straight over to God. “Heavenly Father,” he said, “I had faith in you . . . I prayed to you to save me, and yet you did nothing. Why?”

God gave him a puzzled look, and replied, “I sent you a banca, a speedboat, and a helicopter. What more did you expect?”

*A heads&tales AnecJoke.    

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Fat guy, large largesse

Palace appeals as Chavit threatens to bolt – ABS-CBN News

The big question: Will Chavit do a Chavit . . . on GMA?

*    *    *

Defence chief: Armed Forces to
‘stand behind’ Arroyo – Philippine Daily Inquirer

Another reason why Pres. Arroyo has to watch her back?

*    *    *

Mike Arroyo rejects Senate
invitation for ZTE probe – ABS-CBN News

Either he has something to hide or he doesn’t have a thick hide.

*    *    *

Erap gives up on justice system, seeks pardon – Daily Tribune

Which would be precedent-setting if granted by GMA . . . and a possible win-win scenario if or when GMA herself is convicted similarly after she steps down.

*    *    *

Gov. Mendoza names Evardone,
Usec as ‘P500K bagmen’ – Daily Tribune

And Gov Evardone and Usec Panadero should realize that ‘vehemently’ denying the allegations just won’t cut it anymore.

*    *    *

Resign, call snap polls, Arroyo,
Noli asked anew – Daily Tribune

Of course, Cong Eduardo Joson probably knows that GMA and Noli would just feign acute hearing loss.

*    *    *

Ermita in US to ‘preempt’ Alston
report, Palace says – Daily Tribune

An international exercise in futility . . . unless Ermita can shed light on the whereabouts of Jonas Burgos, et. al.

*    *    *

Gloria calls off in-house probe of cash handouts – Malaya

She must have realized that the findings of an Internal Palace investigation wouldn’t be worth the paper that it would have been written on.

*    *    *

Trillanes: I have evidence vs Esperon, Gonzales – Malaya

The incarcerated senator might really have something there . . . and he must be allowed to appear before an independent body that should probe the Glorieta 2 blast.

*    *    *

De Venecia asks Arroyo for initial
gov’t reforms in 100 days – Philippine Daily Inquirer

Joey’s dad wants GMA to create a Council on Moral Reform and National Renewal . . . which would have been laughable if JdV did not have a son like Joey The Whistleblower.

*    *    *

Comelec orders arrest of Bedol – Malaya

But ‘Comelec orders arrest of Garci’ improbable . . . at least while GMA is still in power.

*    *    *

Court junks transsexual’s bid for
change of gender – Manila Standard Today

The CA sez Rommel Jacinto Dantes Silverio can’t change his first name to ‘Mely’ despite having had a sex-change operation in 2001 . . . so please continue to address him and his significant other as ‘Mr. & Mr.’

Fat guy, large largesse

After an excellent breakfast, it is customary to leave a generous tip. But things were a bit different at a breakfast meeting for congressmen, governors and mayors at the Palace last Friday: Many, if not all, of the attendees received small paper bags containing cash ranging from P200,000 to P500,000. 

It’s still unclear what the ‘tips in reverse’ were for . . . with some cabinet members and Palace officials are still tripping all over themselves in denying that money ever changed hands. But the truth cannot always be suppressed.

Two of the ‘ungrateful’ guests . . . Gov Ed Panlilio of Pampanga and Gov Jonjon Mendoza of Bulacan . . . have held press conferences signifying their intention to return the cash but the Palace has officially denied that it was the giver. That’s after Pagcor and the Finance Sec issued similar denials.

Yesterday’s latest spin from the Palace pointed to ‘private funds’ as the source of the ‘gifts’. Although Christmas is just around the corner, Santa Claus is not known to especially favor politicians so we can rule him out. But another fat guy . . . who has both the wherewithal and the motive to spread this kind of largesse around . . . is my prime suspect.

To whom it may constern*

At the height of a landgrabbing trial, the provincial prosecutor attacked the credibility of a witness. "Is it not it true, Mr. Policarpio," he shouted, "that you accepted five million pesos to compromise this case?"

The witness kept looking out the window as though he had not heard the question.

"Isn't it true that you accepted five million pesos to compromise this case?" the fiscal repeated.

The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Mr. Policarpio, please answer the question."

"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you.", throwing the whole courtroom into instant consternation.

*A heads&tales AnecJoke.    

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Gloria in excelsis GMA

Poll watchdog: ‘Name people above fray to Comelec’

In short, “No!” to Palace lapdogs.

*    *    *

Palace insists all is well
between GMA, Speaker – Manila Times

Well, not if we ask for a second opinion from Manay Gina, the Speaker’s wife. And a third opinion from his son, Joey.

*     *    *

Uno impeachment rap dead – Manila Times

Only if the majority in Congress persist in ignoring pertinent fine print in the Constitution.

*    *    *

Palace won’t interfere in
choice of new Speaker – Daily Tribune

Which can only mean that, yes, the Palace wants JdV sacked and, yes, expect larger ‘paper bags’ to be handed out.

*    *    *

JDV belittles ouster threat – Daily Tribune

The Speaker thinks his critics do not have the numbers but he forgets that the Palace can move heaven and earth . . . and lots of cash . . . to replace him with someone else whose son is not a whistleblower.

*    *    *

Antigraft court may confiscate
Erap assets – Philippine Daily Inquirer

That’s only remotely possible and is really quite unlikely if the Estradas continue to heap praises on GMA for granting full pardon to Erap.

*    *    *

El Shaddei, INC, support pardon for
Erap, says Palace – Philippine Daily Inquirer

And confirms the general belief that it was granted by GMA primarily for political expediency.

*    *    *

Local company to invest $110 M in CNG
plant, refilling stations – Philippine Daily Inquirer

Callandra LCNG Fuels follows in the footsteps of Shell Philippines in retailing compressed natural gas . . . pipelined from Palawan . . . for specially-equipped taxicabs and buses. At substantially less than the price of diesel fuel.

*    *    *

Chief Justice shuns politics – Manila Times

CJ Puno clearly does not want to consider what’s improbable: The idea of him heading a transition government if GMA heads calls to step down in the wake major scandals that has rocked her administration.

*    *    *

Arroyo-Estrada alliance possible,
says Ermita – Philippine Daily Inquirer

Spoken as if this has not already started to unfold . . . with the Estradas unabashedly singing their own updated version of “Gloria In Excelsis Deo!”.

Short tales

Splash Corp., a local manufacturer of skin whitening products which was started as a mom-and-pop backyard business in the 1980s with only P12,000, is now reportedly worth P4 B. Small wonder that its impending IPO could possibly be oversubscribed at a level that would make past IPOs this year pale in comparison. . . . . . . . The Philippines’ business process outsourcing (BPO) industry is expected to outgrow its competitors in China, Malaysia and India, probably because properly-trained Filipinos are better at speaking ‘Americanese’ than their Asian counterparts. . . . . . . . The Department of Agriculture reports that fifteen companies are interested in investing a total of P34.08 billion to grow crops such as sugarcane, cassava, jatropha, corn, oil palm and coconut for biofuel production. Coupled with utilization of CNG to power public utility vehicles, the country’s reliance on imported crude oil should see a significant reduction down the road.

Note: My usual special commentary shall soon be seen at PinoyPundit.com, my about to be reactivated blog.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007’

Would Joey do a Neri?

JDV keeps Speaker post, for now – Philippine Star

But can his son Joey keep his mouth shut?

*    *    *

Estrada to support Arroyo
impeachment proceedings – Philippine Star

Only if and when Pulido’s complaint ever moves beyond the jurisdiction of the House Committee on Justice, where it is expected to do a Mona Lisa . . . which is to “lie there and die there”.

*    *    *

Puno: Constant political
turmoil not good for RP – Malaya

But good for Supreme Court CJ Puno who’s being touted to head a transition government if GMA ever decides to do the unexpected and steps down anytime soon.

*    *    *

Somebody, anybody please arrest Bedol – Malaya

But first, arrest the local regional police chief who had dragged his feet about executing Comelec’s arrest order.

*    *    *

Macarambon takes oath,
inspects new office – Philippine Star

The new Comelec commissioner might as well inspect his cell phone also because . . . like Garci’s . . .  it may already be bugged.

*    *    *

Estrada: Sandigan can't
confiscate everything – Philippine Star

Poor Erap should realize that, aside from his primary residence, all of his other properties may be subject to confiscation . . . whether these were acquired before he became president or not.

*    *    *

‘Not enough numbers for new impeachment’ – Philippine Star

Not anymore . . . not after GMA and JdV effectively kissed and made up last Saturday.

*    *    *

GMA’s party latest to own ‘cash gifts’ – Malaya

Not yet heard from: Santa Claus

*    *    *

Villar: Early politicking unhealthy – Malaya

Particularly true for those presidential wannabes who . . . unlike Senate Pres. Villar . . . do not have ‘healthy’ bank accounts.

*    *    *

Erap told to pay P500 million
in 5 days – Phillippine Daily Inquirer

And Erap promptly told the sheriff that the amount should be reduced by P200 million . . . which he insisted was pocketed by Chavit Singson, his ex best friend and alleged former chief jueteng bagman.

*    *    *

House junks 2 impeachment
plaints – Phillippine Daily Inquirer

Let’s see if legal eagle Adel Tamano can pull any surprises . . . since the guy named Rolex is starting to look like he’s just wasting his time.

*    *    *

38 cops axed in new PNP chief’s
1st month – Phillippine Daily Inquirer

Some of those erring policemen had dabbled in a bit of ‘horticulture’ . . . by planting evidence of the purported crime and extorting money afterwards.

*    *    *

Military bucks bid to search camps for
2 missing UP coeds – Phillippine Daily Inquirer

Which leaves the military open to speculation that they have something . . . or some people . . . to hide.

*    *    *

Lawyers 'discover' new Jose
Velarde account with P400M – GMA News

Since this new ‘discovery’ would jack up the total from the so-called Jose Velarde accounts, would Erap be entitled to a ‘refund’ of anything in excess of the P500 million that the Sandiganbayan wants him to cough up?

*    *    *

Will De Venecia son show up when
Senate resumes NBN probe? – Phillippine Daily Inquirer

Quite possibly, if Joey wants history to treat his dad kindly . . . after Speaker Joe is ousted for backing a son who is on the side of the truth.

Short tales

Rich Filipinos drink more often than others according to Synovate, a market research firm that polled wealthy respondents in 11 countries in the Asia-Pacific region on their consumption of brandy, cognac, whisky, wine, champagne, and beer. And overall consumption levels of alcohol among affluent Filipinos have risen steadily in the country by 4 percent since last year, possibly because Pinoys have more sorrows to drown . . . what with the country going to the dogs . . . than other Asianos.

The Quality Affordable Medicines Act was passed by the Senate on final reading earlier this week. Authored by Sen. Mar ‘ Mr. Palengke’ Roxas, it aims to lower the prices of pharmaceuticals by liberalizing patent laws and expanding the government’s parallel imports of commonly used medicines. This is great news . . . now that we know cough syrup made in India does not really leave a curry aftertaste.

Dollar remittances by Filipinos working abroad in time for the Christmas holidays continue to strengthen the peso, which closed Tuesday at P43.61 . . . much to the chagrin of their dependents at home who are now receiving far fewer pesos . . . compared to what they used to get for the same amount of dollars just a few months ago when the exchange rates had hovered at around P55 to $1.

Previous heads&tales are here

Please direct comments or feedback to: newswealth@usa.com

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Made in China . . . also