Big bad Bedol

COMELEC gets Pagalungan
ERs months after polls – ABS-CBN News

Is COMELEC still using carrier pigeons in this day and age?

*    *    *

Bossi alive and well, says AFP – Daily Tribune

Well . . . so where exactly is Fr. Bossi?

*    *    *

Three GOs, independent
abandon opposition – Daily Tribune

That can only mean that the presidential campaign period for 2010 has already started.

*    *    *

Pimentel urges rebidding of
ZTE broadband deal – Philippine Star

If we can believe the grapevine, COMELEC chair Abalos brokered this deal for ZTE, supposedly elbowing out JdV who’s usually the chief backer of major deals with China . . . such as the clearly overpriced North Rail project.

Will Pimentel curb this urge if Abalos turns about and gives Koko his nod for the 12^th senatorial slot?

*    *    *

Suspect tagged in Burgos
case 'dead for 3 yrs' – ABS-CBN News

That’s probably OK with military prosecutors because they can always point out that people who have been dead for more than 10 years actually got to ‘vote’ last May.

*    *    *

Palace: No Cabinet man
has reason to resign – Malaya

That’s according to Exec. Sec. Eduardo Ermita . . . whose own reason to resign could hinge on his being offered an appointment to a key ambassadorship.

*    *    *

Lintang Bedol spends night in
Malate hotel with SWAT unit – GMA TV News

Funny but another personality who was similarly taken into custody . . . Cong. Satur Ocampo . . . was not shown VIP treatment after he was nabbed in March.

*    *    *

Abalos resists Koko
call to inhibit – The Manila Times

Since Abalos apparently thinks it does not matter if he’s ‘exhibited’ breaking bread with Migz Zubiri’s close kin at the Shangri-La, Koko may now have to wait until 2010 to become the other Sen. Pimentel.

*    *    *

‘Tired officials want out of
Cabinet posts’ – Manila Standard Today

Probably the ones that are about to be gently retired by Malacaņang.

*    *    *

Finance exec gets 6-month suspension
for unexplained wealth – Philippine Daily Inquirer

Ruben Anthony Frogoso, an intel officer working at DOF, clearly manifested utter lack of intelligence for even thinking that he could get away with such unexplained wealth.

Records reportedly show that his total net worth as of Dec. 31, 1999 . . . or barely 15 months on the job, as declared on his SALN for 1999 . . . was P6.048-million, despite the fact that he was only earning P109,452 a year.

*    *    *

Harbour Centre partners with Metro
Pacific to bid for North Harbor – Malaya

Excellent move on the part of Harbour Centre . . . as almost anything that Metro Pacific touches turns to gold.

*    *    *

High court stops Sandigan’s Ong
from assuming SC post – Daily Tribune

No doubt purely on account only of his previous ties to Erap, not because of his alleged doubtful Filipino citizenship. The current Malacaņang occupants certainly cannot afford to have someone in the high court that’s of uncertain loyalty after GMA either steps down or is swept aside . . . in or before 2010.

*    *    *

Palace backs DOJ move vs Trillanes
bid to attend session – GMA -TV News

The Palace is risking a major backlash by singing along with two possibly senile old men . . . DOJ’s Raul Gonzales and Malacaņang’s own Sergio Apostol . . . who are often no longer in tune with the times.

Big bad Bedol

The first surprise was when COMELEC finally effected the arrest of Lintang Bedol, its man in Maguindanao who claims to have lost the original copies of Certificates of Canvas for a whole town and has been on the lam for the past few weeks

The second surprise came when COMELEC swiftly decided to release Bedol temporarily after the election ‘operator’ simply pleaded not guilty of all charges against him.

Is Benjamin Abalos, along the other commissioners, terrified that Bedol would spill the beans on all of them if he’s cornered?

Will the villain of Maguindanao . . . the man who has made a monumental mockery of the electoral process . . . be ultimately allowed to go completely scot-free in order to forestall a wider Senate probe that can go all the way back to the 2004 presidential election?
 

Doc’s new headache*

The doctor’s new patient came in with a long history of migraine headaches.

"Listen," said the doctor, "I also have migraines and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school but it's advice that I've gathered from my own experience. Whenever I have a migraine, I go home and take a nice hot bath. Then I have my wife give me a massage, especially around the forehead. This usually helps a little. Then, even if my head is still killing me, I force myself to make love to her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."

Six weeks later, the patient returned with a big grin. "Doc, I took
your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines
for 17 years and this is the first time anyone has ever helped me!"

"Well," the doctor said, "I'm glad I could help."

"By the way, Doc," the patient added, "you have a really nice bathroom."

*A heads&tales AnecJoke.

Previous heads&tales are here
Other AnecJokes are here

Please direct comments or feedback to: newswealth@usa.com

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

‘Comelected’?

NBI: Show biz celebs invested
in FrancSwiss – Philippine Daily Inquirer

In their make-believe world, some celebs couldn’t see that the 4.5% per day interest promised by FrancSwiss was way too good to be true.

*    *    *

Pope revives old traditional Latin Mass – Manila Bulletin

It’s beyond any semblance of common sense why the pope sees the necessity of reviving something that sounded Greek to most of my generation.

*    *    *

Isafp says DOJ-cited names not on roster – Manila Times

Perhaps it’s more like ‘not anymore’ . . . as in a Swiss or German bank official saying, “Our records do not show an account under that name”.

*    *    *

DENR unveils project to turn garbage
into electricity at Manila dump – Philippine Star

Sec Angelo Reyes deserves special kudos for this methane-powered project in Payatas . . . not to mention his putting his foot down on some Koreans’ plan to set up a health spa on Taal volcano’s crater.

*    *    *

Gov Panlilio’s team collects P5M in
quarry taxes in 5 days – Philippine Daily Inquirer

Mark Lapid . . . the former Pampanga gov whose administration collected only P3.19M for all of January and February this year . . . has a lot of explaining to do.

*    *    *

Lim to GMA: ‘We’ll keep
you safe till 2010’ – Philippine Star

Interesting to note that Manila’s new mayor did not say, ‘We’ll keep you in Malacaņang ‘til 2010”

*    *    *

CBCP: Change Comelec chief – Philippine Star

Nice try . . . but the monsignors forget that the terms of office of Abalos and his cohorts are set by the Constitution.

*    *    *

MJ son appeals for end
to public embarrassment – Malaya

Mark Jimenez seems to have become a problem to his wife and children after his return from house arrest in the US . . . when he evidently morphed into some sort of religious fanatic.

*    *    *

Mar: Kiko is now with administration – Malaya

And Mar Roxas himself is now trying to eliminate all other potential ‘presidentiables’ for 2010.

*    *    *

First 13 party list winners proclaimed – Malaya

The more awaited COMELEC decision is which set of nominees . . . the one led by Christian Seņeres or the other one led by Rene Velarde . . . can legally represent Buhay.

*    *    *

GMA presses JdV to make Mikey
energy committee chairman – Daily Tribune

This gives JdV a convenient excuse to change his mind after having supposedly commited this committee chairmanship to an ally who is more senior than Mikey.

But why on earth would Mikey . . . who has practically zero experience on energy matters . . . want this key assignment?

*    *    *

JdV supporters oppose secret
vote proposal in choosing speaker – Manila Times

Simply because there’s a distinct possibility that many of those who had said “Yes” to JdV have since been ‘motivated’ to vote otherwise by the formidable father-and-son Garcias?

‘Comelected’?

Where things stood as this piece was being written, the COMELEC had all but declared Migz Zubiri the winner of the 12^th slot in last May’s mid-term elections.

This, of course, comes as no surprise. For enumerable reasons that could run into the millions, COMELEC chair Benjamin Abalos has steered his agency into incredible twists and turns with only one objective: To dislodge Koko Pimentel from 12^th place and give the same last winning slot to a Team Unity candidate.

Since TU’s Ralph Recto and Prospero Pichay had the common decency to concede defeat early on, the only one who was ‘within striking distance’ was Zubiri . . . who ‘miraculously’ emerged as the topnotcher in Maguindanao in a controversial tally of ‘resurrected’ 2^nd copies of municipal certificates of canvas (COC). Never mind that TU’s Chavit Singson was the first-placer in an earlier tally of province-wide Maguindanao COCs . . . which were clearly also ‘manufactured’ because it showed that all the Genuine Opposition senatorial bets got absolutely zero votes . . . after which provincial COMELEC boss Lintang Bedol inexplicably disappeared and reported having ‘lost’ the same.

That said, if only for his being a true-blue environmental advocate, I would rather see Zubiri in the Senate instead of Koko Pimentel . . . whose only claim to fame appears to be anchored on his being an offspring of a remarkable guy named Nene. But it would be a real shame when the inevitable happens: Zubiri’s colleagues referring to him as ‘The gentleman from Maguindanao’ behind his back.   

Profit sharing*

Three preachers who usually hold their major prayer rallies at the Luneta were discussing what portion of the weekly collection they kept for themselves.

The first preacher explained that he drew a large circle on the ground, stepped a few paces back and pitched the money towards the circle. What landed in the circle he kept and what landed outside the circle God kept.

The second preacher claimed that his method was almost the same, except that what landed outside the circle went to him and the money that landed inside the circle was intended for God.

The third preacher said, “I have a much better method than any of you. I don’t bother with circles. I just throw ALL the money into the air, and what Yahweh wants, Yahweh takes!”

*A heads&tales AnecJoke. Other AnecJokes are here

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Among the best

Abductors has Fr. Bossi
hidden in remote cave – Manila Times

According to an anonymous text message received by Basilan police boss Saddik Macapantar, Fr. Bossi is being kept in Kulasian cave in the town of Payao, Zamboanga Sibugay but the cave would be difficult to find because its entrance is hidden by a waterfall.

Question for Macapantar: Just how many waterfalls are there in Payao?

*    *    *

BFAD finds Formalin in China candies – Philippine Star

If you have taken China-made White Rabbit Creamy Candy, Milk Candy, Balrong Grape Biscuits and Yong Kang Foods Grape Biscuits lately, the bad news is: You are now partially ‘preserved’!

*    *    *

PNP chief asks Lim to make
Mendiola a no-rally zone anew – Daily Tribune

Gen. Calderon’s request: Rallyists must not be allowed to cross the bridge when they get to it.

*    *    *

Shipbuilder Hanjin plans
to expand in Mindanao – Manila Times

This Korean company has already put its money where its mouth is . . . by investing over $1B to create a 349-hectare state-of-the-art facility at the Subic Bay Freeport where it has employed some 3000 locals. Hanjin is reportedly booked to deliver 33 medium-sized container vessels worth approximately $3 billion in the next two years and build 82 large ones from 2009 to 2011 from its Philippine operations so its keen interest in taking over the PHIVIDEC site in Misamis Oriental and upgrade it to another world-class shipbuilding venue is great news to Mindanaoans like myself.

*    *    *

JDV ally says Garcia lacks moral authority – Malaya

Not that JdV is any better in this aspect but among other negatives, Speaker-wannabe Pablo Garcia has at least one graft case that’s still pending.

*    *    *

Palace: SONA promises to be a
substantial report card – Philippine Star

Expected opposition response: You flunked!

*    *    *

Peso hits 7-year high: P45.25 to $1 – Manila Times

Bad news for OFWs whose families will get less pesos for the same amount of dollars, pounds, francs, dirhams, etc. that they send back home.

Good news for importers . . . especially those that are bringing in goods for the Christmas season.

*    *    *

Pasig ferry company loses millions a year – Manila Times

Although it appears to have done quite a few things to improve passenger counts, including the usual senior citizens’ and student discounts, what the company seems to have overlooked is a ‘frequent rider’ program that would allow regular commuters to pre-pay for booklets of tickets at very attractive savings per trip. Or a prepaid Ferry Pass . . . similar to a debit card . . . that would serve the same purpose.

*    *    *

Lim to ban computer games at class hours – Malaya

Small things can make a big difference . . . and Mayor Lim has proven this time and time again.

Among the best

His journey to victory was definitely a cliffhanger and when he was finally proclaimed governor-elect of Pampanga, Fr. Ed Panlilio had officially won by a margin of a mere 1,147 votes over Lilia Pineda, the challenger who was expected to send then Gov. Mark Lapid into early political retirement.

But Kapampangans were absolutely right in picking the Catholic priest-on-leave over the wife of an alleged jueteng lord and a two-bit actor who’s the son of a linguistically-challenged action star who had earlier managed to get himself elected to the Senate. In just his first five days on the job, ‘Among Ed’ . . . as the new gov is fondly called by his constituents . . . has racked up almost 5M pesos in taxes and fees from the truckloads of sand that contractors haul from local quarries. Compare this amount to the 29.1M pesos that former governor Mark Lapid collected for all of 2006!

Another highly-anticipated step for the gov would have to be his biggest challenge: To put an end to jueteng throughout his jurisdiction.

I’m betting that Among Ed can and will do it.

High-priced court*

A couple of days after the Supreme Court rendered a 7-7 decision on Koko Pimentel’s petition for a temporary restraining order for the COMELEC to stop the proclamation of Migz Zubiri as the 12^th winning senatorial candidate, a lawyer was trying to get an acquittal for his client in a celebrated case that was being heard before the high court sitting en banc. But after two hours of oral arguments, it became simply apparent to him that quite a few of the justices were inclined to favor the other side.

In exasperation, the attorney . . . who’s known for both his hot temper and sense of humor . . . suddenly exploded and began to shout, “Half of this Court is made up of dishonest and corrupt justices!"

All of the high court justices demanded that the angry lawyer withdraw his statement . . . or face the prospect of disbarment.

After a long pause, the angry attorney acquiesced. "OK," he said, "I withdraw what I said. Half of this Supreme Court is NOT made up of dishonest and corrupt justices!"

*A heads&tales AnecJoke. Other AnecJokes are here

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

The handwriting on the floor

Garcia: House fight not yet over – Philippine Star

Here’s news for Nong Pabling: You’ve been clobbered. Game over.

*    *    *

Global survey: 24 of 30 Manilans returned
‘lost’ cell phones – Philippine Daily Inquirer

thnx 4 mkg mla amg d mos anest cts n d wrld.

*    *    *

Stock market greets GMA’s
SONA with big yawn – Philippine Star

But other sectors virtually reacted with guffaws . . . especially when she said that she sees the Philippines reaching First World status in 20 years.

*    *    *

Palace worried over Alan at Blue Ribbon – Malaya

Possibly a great deal more worried . . . especially the FG in residence . . . had Sen. Ping been tapped to chair it.

*    *    *

Fr. Bossi freed by captors – Manila Bulletin

Gee, since Fr. Bossi was not actually rescued, who else could have freed him other than his captors?

*    *    *

Gov’t flip-flops on all-out
war against MILF – Daily Tribune

It’s starting to look like an ‘all-out-of-options’ war.

*    *    *

Ping growls at Senate ‘mongrels’ – Manila Times

Perfectly understandable because everyone sees Manny Villar getting the upper hand in the not-too-distant 2010 presidential contest with Jinggoy, Chiz and Allan backing the former Divisoria market vendor for Senate President . . . for now.

*    *    *

Villar breezes through in Senate – Manila Times

Actually a foregone conclusion despite the best efforts of Sen. Ping Lacson to neutralize a potential co-contender for president in 2010.

*    *    *

Bank security system a must,
says police – Philippine Daily Inquirer

It’s hard to believe that there are still some bank branches that do not have video surveillance systems.

*    *    *

Produce Jonas on Friday, SC
orders military – Philippine Daily Inquirer

The potentially unfortunate question: Dead or alive?

*    *    *

Esperon: Pursuing Basilan attackers
no walk in the park – Philippine Daily Inquirer

Not if Esperon’s forces have better intel this time.

*    *    *

CPP not confirming or denying
if Jonas is NPA – Philippine Daily Inquirer

Sounds rather Pentagonese . . . which more or less confirms that Jonas is/was an NPA member. But that would still entitle him to his day in court if he’s still alive.

The handwriting on the floor

In the past few weeks, it looked like Cong. Pablo Garcia (Kampi) of Cebu was a serious challenger to Lakas’ Jose de Venecia’s bid to become House Speaker for an unprecedented 5^th time.

With Kampi president Luis Villafuerte doing most of the talking and clearly orchestrating everything for Garcia, there were moments when one got the impression that Malacaņang was leaning towards the Kampi bet. But the day of reckoning came last Monday . . . SONA day . . . with Villafuerte, Garcia and company unexpectedly retreating without even nominating the hapless Cebuano.

As it turned out, Garcia did not have the oft-claimed numbers that would have prevailed over de Venecia’s and all it took for Villafuerte’s pipe dream to swiftly evaporate was an overabundance of histrionics on the part of one his henchmen . . . Cong. Didagen Dilangalen of Shariff Kabunsuan . . . who had thought that he was helping their cause by questioning House Secretary-General Roberto Nazareno’s authority to preside over the opening session.

Villafuerte and Garcia could not have missed the handwriting on the wall when De Venecia’s allies subsequently voted down Dilangalen’s motion . . . after intense floor debates . . . to replace Nazareno as temporary presiding officer. Some 160 House members stood up to be counted for de Venecia camp; only 46 did the same for Garcia’s.

Not seeing eye to eye*

In the middle of her science class, Mrs. Sarmiento asked, "Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"

Nobody raised a hand, so she called on the first student to look her way. "Gretchen, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"

Gretchen stood up, blushing furiously. "How dare you ask such a question?" she said. "I'm going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!"

Mrs. Sarmiento was taken aback by Gretchen's reaction but she asked the class the same question and this time Miguel raised his hand.

“Do you know the answer, Miguel?" asked Mrs. Sarmiento.

"Ma'am, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye."

"Very good, Miguel. Thank you."

Mrs. Sarmiento then turned to Gretchen and said, "Gretchen, I have 3 things to tell you: First, it's clear that you have not done your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, I’m afraid that one day you are going to be sadly disappointed."

*A heads&tales AnecJoke. Other AnecJokes are here

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

‘Genghis’ Villar can

Roxas includes Viagra in
cheaper medicine bill – Manila Times

It’s hard to disagree with Sen. Mar on this.

*    *    *

GMA majority bar Villar, GO
members from ‘secret’ caucus – Daily Tribune

The open secret: The ‘majority’ is poised to move heaven and earth to prevent Sen. Alan from being named Blue Ribbon Committee chair . . . for obvious reasons.

*    *    *

Miriam is RP nominee to Int’l
Court of Justice – Manila Bulletin

The senadora comes with impeccable credentials that makes her eminently qualified for the job but there will still be those who would say that the Senate’s loss will be the ICJ’s . . . well . . . misfortune.

*    *    *

Witness to Burgos’ abduction missing – Daily Tribune

The poor fellow must have realized that it would not be in the interest of his continued good health if he were to testify against the alleged military abductors.

*    *    *

Trillanes will remain in prison cell,
court rules – Manila Standard Today